Why I'm Not Getting My Body "Back"

See pre-baby body here. I will not be getting this exact body back. And that's ok!

For the first 4 weeks, my exercise was basically just being alive.

Honestly though - after an unexpected emergency c-section, I was on a road to recovery I didn't really think I'd be on. My pregnancy didn't have any complications, and my midwife and doula both were giving me confidence that a natural, quick birth was on it's way. Spoiler: nope!

The most important thing after birth was the hourly/daily walks that my husband forced me to go on around the maternity ward (once cleared by my midwife of course). You absolutely have no desire to do this, but it is so incredibly important for your recovery and heal time. I'm so glad he did though, because I didn't have swelling or complications during this time. Start the healing process of well!

A NEW BODY

For the first few days after we came home from the hospital, we had to have a big downstairs party because I wasn't even allowed to go upstairs. Seriously - this is standard. I hadn't thought of that before I got pregnant, like at all. Sure, I thought I'd waddle up and down the stairs during pregnancy, but after? Literally not one thought about it.

Once I could go up and down the stairs (it was an achievement, I'm remembering applause, confetti, etc.) I could really only muster going up/down once a day for another week or so. This was the slowest recovery I'd ever personally experienced, and I wasn't expecting it. I'd never been overnight in a hospital before, so this was all new and incredibly humbling. I used to be able to run up these stairs 2 at a time!

Over the next few days I'd slowly add a trip or 2, doing a little more each time. It was a big day when I was able to carry my own son down the stairs! I almost felt like myself again. You know, someone who could once do the amazing act of carrying things up and down stairs.

Taking it easy is just so important.

I think my first major activity was washing the sheets and making our bed, and that wiped me out for a good 3 days afterwards. We get caught up with speedy recoveries and wanting to get back to our "normal" selves, but we really need to slow down in the postpartum period.

We struggle as a country to support anything related to maternity, so it doesn't surprise me that we are very caught up with everything 'going back to normal' after women give birth. How could it go back to normal? And what is "normal"?

There is so much pressure to “get your body back” but I don’t really support that. Especially as a Yoga teacher - I don’t think anyone should be racing to get back to what they were before birth, because honestly - you're not the same.

Your body just did something so incredibly amazing. Something that not every human can do, only some. Women are truly this epitome of strength; not only do we sustain ourselves but sometimes, if we’re lucky, we get to grow an entire separate life inside of us. That’s a whole separate heart, and a brain, and a set of lungs and kidneys that our body - not theirs yet - is supporting. That's incredible. We need to be okay that we're different now, because we are.

GETTING BACK TO THE MAT

After a few weeks postpartum (probably 4-5), I very cautiously laid down my yoga mat, took about 4 minutes to get down on said yoga mat, then ever-so-slowly attempted to "take" my own yoga class. My husband had filmed me at 5 months pregnant teaching my weekly Wednesday night Gentle Yoga class, so I was thinking it would definitely be my speed.

Spoiler alert: it was not my speed. I did not have a speed. It was weird; I went through a sequence of body movements I had done weekly for the past 3+ years, but this time my body felt completely foreign, strangely alien.

Want a super fun feeling? Watch yourself at 5 months pregnant do physical activity that you're not able to do now.

It's disorienting. A few poses in and I was laying on my mat feeling like I never even had a core and that I had traded them for these heavy bricks on my chest. I had no balance, weak legs, sore hands, tender feet (what?), and arms that were already exhausted from holding a baby. Let's just say there were no Down Dogs that day, but there sure was savasana.

A few weeks later I tried again, this time almost getting through the whole 1-hour class. I had started stretching a little each night before bed, and was working on slowly getting my hips and back into a space that felt comfortable. I kept telling myself that there were no expectations on where I should be. Over, and over.

You can watch this Gentle Yoga class and practice with me at home. Remember to take - it - slow! Even though this is a slower class, please listen to your body and always rest or take a child's pose when you need to. You should always, always be able to breath in any pose - if you can't, take it back. <3

PERSERVERENCE IN POSTPARTUM

At 6.5 weeks I ventured back into the gym in which I teach, that I hadn’t been in since 2 months before. The last class I taught before my maternity leave was just 3 weeks before I went into labor, just a few weeks earlier. For my first class back, I was taking one of my favorite teacher's and dear friend Angie's class, and boy did it feel amazing - but also so, so weird.

I couldn't touch my toes, I didn't want to lay flat on my back, and I suddenly realized I hadn't taken a deep breath in weeks. I apparently just wanted to just be in a C-curve, as I'd spent my recent time hunched over nursing, rocking, and protecting my son.

My body was different: familiar but strange, new but tired.

8 weeks later (a total of 16 weeks postpartum), and I'm still adjusting. Butterly still feels strange, reminding me of the scar across my stomach. Hip opening poses like lunges and pigeon feel wonderful, but I have to slowly ease into them. Laying on my stomach is weird, but I am beginning to find some space in chest openers

I feel like I am back to my first days of Chatarungas, with shaky arms and a dipping belly - but each time I can hold myself up for half a second longer.

I attempted Wheel pose the other day, and knew after I pushed up into it that I needed to immediately (but slowly) come down. I didn't hurt myself, but I just knew I wasn't to a place where that felt good yet. And you know what? That's okay. I stuck a block under my butt and relaxed into the most wonderful supported bridge pose ever. And I breathed.

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WHAT WORKS FOR ME

Everyone is different, so most importantly the best advice anyone can give you is: listen to your body. It's different than mine, than hers, than your mom's or your sister's or your friend's. Or your mom's sister's friend. (Especially your mom's sister's friend).

The rule is: if it hurts, stop. If it feels uncomfortable because you're stretching something out, try to take a deep breath. If you can't, then you're pushing too far - take it a step back.

The following is what I've been trying to stick to after about 10-12 weeks postpartum:

- Stretching daily at home. Getting some blood moving is important, even if you're not lifting or doing cardio. You're caring for another human who can't do anything for themselves, so taking a few minutes to care for yourself physically and mentally is incredibly important for both your and your little one's health. You take care of people better when you take care of you!

- Walking. Getting outdoors feels so good (when the weather allows), and fresh air and a little sun can do wonders for your breathing, mood and skin. Tuck your babe in the stroller or strap 'em on if you're feeling strong! (I've only stroller walked so far at 16 weeks, so like a broken record... take. It. Easy!)

- Yoga class 2-4 times a week. Or as many as you want, or whatever class/style/etc. works for you! Spend time doing some sort of physical activity that you like. If you hate it, try something else.

- Not expecting too much. The first few classes I went to were amazing but also rough. I wanted to be further than I was each time, and I wanted to see results quicker. I thought since I taught yoga, I would definitely be able to jump right back in. I mean, my body knows what to do! But it had just gone through so much. So much effort, pressure, and tension. So much breathing too, but also pushing and trying and learning and then accepting it wouldn't happen the way I had envisioned no matter what. And in that hospital room, about to go into the OR, I had about 30 seconds to be okay with that - and you know what? I was. So why should I not be okay with what I am now? I'd like to say it's only took me 30 seconds to accept this as well, but I still am working on it. But that's okay. Because we're all always working on something. That's why it's called a yoga practice.